


Clarke Takes the Flame

by kkofi335



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Commander Clarke Griffin, Commander Lexa, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Masturbation, Sad Clarke, Sorry Not Sorry, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 02:22:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkofi335/pseuds/kkofi335
Summary: This picks up at 4x09 where Clarke finds a way to take the flame. But, it has a lot more implications than she expected. Clarke is faced with a hard decision and worries about the fate of her people. This is a longish one-shot.





	Clarke Takes the Flame

**Author's Note:**

> So I had written this right after 4x09. Partially in frustration at JR for just letting Clarke not really put up a fight or at least be smart about how she would take the flame. This is a fairly angsty piece and there is some death. But the focus was on a realistic cannon version what could have happened. I hope you like it.

Clarke closed the doors to the temple. With the turn of her heel, she was now faced, Gaia. Gaia gave her a cold stare unknowing of what the great 'wanheda' wanted.

"Gaia, I need you to listen to me carefully." Clarke stepped forward while the fleimkepa stepped back. "I know you still have the flame." Gaia's brow furrowed in anger. Clarke spoke with such confidence that there was no point in denying it. 

"I need you to make me the next commander." Clarke stepped forward again nearly puffing out her chest, to show her conviction. 

"Only a natblida can take the flame." Gaia answered cooly, in her mind there was no way that wanheda was deserving of the flame, in the first place. Clarke closed the gap between them taking Gaia's hip knife. Gaia countered drawing her sword but was met with confusion when Clarke drew it to her own palm. Black blood oozed from her cut, proclaiming her a nightblood. Gaia looked back at Clarke with a grimace showing the duality of her anger and surprise. Clarke drew in her reaction thinking carefully about her next words. 

"Gaia, I know that you are a devoted follower of the faith." Clarke paused for effect. Gaia simply nodded back. "But I need to tell you something I only know because I have taken the flame once before." Gaia's eyes widened curious to why the skaiyon didn't remain a commander. 

"When I was in the City of Light with the flame I saw Bekka Pramheda and Lexa kom Trikru's spirit. I know the power the flame possesses." She paused again. Gaia now more confused to the point. " Bekka showed me that she went to the sky to make nightblood. She returned to earth with the nightblood after praimfaya to save the people who survived. Your people." Clarke paused again taking a calculated breath. Gaia remained unmoving but very much still listening. 

"I went to Bekka's home past the deadzone and found where she had tried to make nightblood. That is how I became a nightblood." Gaia spat at Clarke's shoes. 

"Blasphemy!"The words slithered off her tongue. "You are not a true nightblood."

"I may not be but Bekka, the first commander, wasn’t either." Gaia paused retracing everything she had learned from the faith. There were stories that when Bekka had first landed and she had found survivors of Praimfaya had bestowed them with a gift to pass on their children and the generations to come. 

"You know that the commander's spirit must choose me and, if not I will die. Even if my nightblood does work." Not that Clarke believed that but she needed Gaia too. Gaia nodded but still had a reluctance about her. 

"Had I already not taken the flame then I would not know this. ‘ascende superius’." The flame began to move in her hand the tendrils seeking out the nightblood within Clarke. Gaia paused for a long moment taking in the idea that maybe Clarke could become the next commander. 

" I am not asking you to betray your faith. I am asking you to look deeper into it. Praimfaya will be upon us in 6 days. If you want to watch Trikru and Azgeda spill more blood and leave no one to survive then, by all means, do nothing. But if you want to do what is good for your people then let me be commander and put an end to this."

Gaia clutched the flame in her fist, staring at the picture painted on the wall of Bekka Pramheda asking for guidance. Her eyes closed tightly letting her heart speak to her. 

"I will make the preparations for the ascension." Gaia said strongly. Clarke gave her a curt nod and made her way back to the tower. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

All were gathered in the throne room awaiting the accession. Gaia at the forefront, ready to lead the procession. Indra tried to whisper to her but was waved off with by the back of her hand. Indra grunted in silence stepping back into her original position.

Roan came through the door along with Echo ready to kill who had ever claimed to take the role of next commander. Gaia rose her chin higher as she sensed the king's anger. Clarke had warned her that there would be people against this. But her ascension was the only way to move forward for all humankind. All stood silent waiting for the ceremony to begin or more likely, that they were eager to see who their new commander would be. Hushed murmurs filled the room.

The other fleimkepa’s opened the doors leading Clarke into the throne room. She swore she heard Roan’s teeth grind from 10 feet away. The murmurs only grew louder with very few words that stood out ‘Wanheda’ and ‘splita’. Clarke steadied her course determined to put an end to this. She stepped into the sacred circle and waited for Gaia to begin the ceremony. 

“ Through the dark, the Flame passes on. The body passes but the Spirit is strong. May the spirit choose wisely. The Spirit has chosen. Let the commander ascend.” Gaia opened Clarke’s previous cut, drawing more blood.

“The blood of the commanders is your blood may the spirit choose wisely.” Gaia took the blood-stained sand and placed a line on Clarke’s forehead. 

“May the spirit of the Commander guide me.” Clarke spoke calmly.

Clarke knelt before all of the people gathered waiting to take the flame. Gaia whispered ‘ascende’ to the blue crystal and it awoke ready to be placed inside the stem of Clarke's neck. Roan shouted from across the room. “This is a mockery of the faith!” He stepped forward to approach the two women but was stopped when the flemkepa’s traced the sacred circle, protecting them from the crowd. 

Gaia spoke from the depth of her gut. “It is not! Wanheda’s blood is a testament to that.”

Roan nodded to Echo motioning to retrieve Abby. 

“Clarke!” Abby yelled trying to push through but was not able to get past the band of men.

“Clarke, listen to me. We don’t know if you will survive this.” Abby tried to plead. Roan turned to the people all staring back in confusion 

“Tell them how them how Clarke became a nightblood.” There was a tinge of fire on his breath, even Clarke felt its heat from across the room. 

Abby never tore her eye’s off of Clarke who still remained knelt ready to receive. 

“We made it through science.” 

Gasps and restlessness filled the room. Clarke rose from her position looking to Gaia for a response.

“ Bekka Promheda, the first commander, used science to create nightblood, yes?” She asked calmly towards Abby. Abby did not want to betray Roan but could not leave the question unanswered, she simply nodded.

“And if the Spirit has not chosen Wanheda then she will die, yes?.” Now asking towards Roan. There was a pause, waiting for his response. “Would you like to find out?” She asked pressing further. He did not answer. Abby tried to push again but could not make her way through. 

“Baby, please don’t do this. You could die.” Clarke caught the glimpse of the worry in her mother’s eyes. Clarke stood straight and tall to make her declaration.

“If the Spirit has not chosen me then so be it. But that is for the flame to decide.” 

Gaia nodded to Clarke who returned to her knelt position. Gaia spoke the words again as she placed the flame into Clarke’s neck. Clarke choked and gagged writhing on the floor until she stopped moving. The room was silent, waiting in anticipation. Gaia showed a face of pure terror, maybe the flame had not chosen Wanheda. The other Flamkepa’s looked over their shoulders checking on the blonde. Abby stared in shock fearing that she had just witnessed the death of her daughter, before her very eyes. Roan and Echo only grinned hoping there was still a chance.

Clarke’s hand began to twitch and strain as she rose to her feet. Gaia took in a breath of relief. 

“Now, recite the lineage of all the commanders who have passed.” Gaia nodded to Clarke who began to list off the commander's names. 

“...Lexa Kom Trikru.” The words stung on her tongue. Thinking of the memory of her in the city of light, watching her drift into the mass of people, slashing and killing. 

Gaia raised her arms. “All bow before your new commander.” Clarke stood in front of the throne Lexa had once sat in before her. Slowly people began to bow to her. Roan and Abby the last to do so. Roan’s mind was racing he had not able to stop the ascension, how was he to get his way into the bunker, now?

Clarke sat on the throne as all began to rise. There was a moment of silence. Clarke let the Flame speak to her for her next move. 

“Indra Kom Trikru and King Roan of Azgeda, please step forward.” Both scowling at each other stepping reluctantly at the foot of the throne.

“Bow before me and swear your fealty.” Abby stood in shock. Was this really her daughter? The leader of the world? Roan and Indra exchanged a look unsure of how to proceed but knowing that they needed to do so. They did as commanded. Clarke remained emotionless. 

“There will be no war amongst Trikru and Azgeda. You both will make this a blood pact before me.” Clarke never took her eyes off of Roan, knowing he would protest the most. 

“Clarke, you have to be out of your mind.” Roan whispered loud enough for only Clarke to hear. 

You are Heda now, make him listen. 

A voice echoed in Clarke’s head. She drew her dagger and flung it into the shoulder where he had been shot. Now towering over him. 

“That is Heda to you, King.” She looked back at Indra “ Do you have a problem with that?” She asked in Trigedasleng. They both shook their heads. Roan was tempted to slit Clarke’s throat with her own dagger but, now was not the time for vengeance. He pulled out the knife still bloodied and cut into his own hand, then passing it to Indra. Indra took the blade in her hand looking up at Clarke. She paused for a moment deciding if this was the best way forward for her people, for Trikru. 

“Heda… Azgeda slaughtered Trigedakru. I will make this pact only if you can promise retribution for their crimes… It is our way, Heda.” Indra held the knife above her palm waiting for a response from the commander of death. 

Clarke closed her eyes trying to let the Flame speak to her. There were too many voices speaking at once. She did the only thing she could think to do. 

“Indra I can promise you Azgeda will receive punishment for not honoring the coalition. But, exactly what that is, I cannot say. In 6 days Premfaya will be upon us again. We have a more pressing issue. In honoring the coalition that Lexa created, I will allow shelter from Premfeya for every clan. The bunker can only support 1200 people. Each clan leader will choose 92 people to stay in the bunker and escape Premfaya.” The room began to become unsettled. Indra stared blankly at Clarke. 

“ I need to know the punishment. Considering-”  
Clarke cut her off. 

“Considering your people have not had true justice for crimes caused by my people.” Indra nodded back, a furrow in her brow.

“That is precisely the reason I need to let the spirit of the commander's guide me. You will have an answer at dawn.” Indra accepted this and cut her hand placing it before Roan. Roan looked back at Clarke with a grimace showing his distaste for the situation. He may very well be agreeing to his own death. He would try to talk his way out of it later but for now, some of his people would be saved. So he took Indra’s hand and shook it. 

“Leaders go to your people, choose wisely this is the future of the human race. Leave and come back in two days time, make all the preparations you need and return.” 

All the people began to file out, grumbling along the way. Clarke pulled Gaia to the side and waited for everyone to leave. 

“Thank you for believing in me.” Clarke said looking down at Gaia. Without her war could not have been avoided. 

“It was the spirit of the commanders who choose. Now we survive.” Clarke nodded in agreement. 

“Gaia, there will be a spot for you and another fleimkepa in the bunker. This I can promise. Please choose wisely.” Gaia bowed and made her leave. “Please send my mother in.” Gaia exited the throne room. Abby rushed into try and embrace Clarke. 

“Don’t.” She put up her hand, this was not the time for being sentimental she had much to think about. 

“Clarke.” Abby said softly. The new commander looked around the room and led her mother silently to the balcony. Clarke looked longingly over Polis while Abby simply stared at her. 

“Tell me what you see, out there.” Clarke pointed towards the outskirts of Polis. 

“I see Polis and the mountains.” Abby was unsure of the point and frankly more concerned with the state of her daughter. 

“I see a city full of people who have survived by any means necessary for the last 97 years, in a world that was completely destroyed. I see people who have used whatever they had available to provide for their people. I see people who know their home like the back of their hand. People who would kill to maintain order. Who does that sound like to you?” She asked then turned to face Abby. 

Abby shook her head silently. 

“It sounds like us, like Skaikru...When the 100 were sent to die on earth, you had no idea that we would survive but, you hoped. You hoped that we would be able to find 100-year-old supplies in a mountain and rebuild the earth from the technology that we already had. Never did you once think that we would need to adapt to this world and to its people.” Clarke tone was low and stern.

“We didn’t know the world would be like this. You were threatened by these people.They tried to kill you! ” Abby tried to argue back. Remembering her conversation on the ark. 

“No, we provoked them. We acted as though the world were our right. Not that we had to earn our place. Look around at all the people who have taken charge, they are strong and have earned their merit. It is not for us to take that away.”

“Clarke, you are sentencing hundreds of our people to die.” Abby shook her head in disbelief.

“No, I am giving everyone an opportunity to start again, as equals. That can’t happen if I save only our people. Jaha and Jasper made me see that everyone wants to make their own choice. I can’t sentence thousands of people to die simply because they didn’t grow up on the Ark. I suggest you tell them the truth and let them decide. If not you can use this.” Clarke handed her the list of the 100 names that she had already written up. Abby stared at the list reading the names. 

“Clarke, when did you make this?” Abby was always surprised at the way her daughter had taken charge without a second thought. 

“Raven made me do it once we found the first bunker.” Clarke voice was low, remembering how hard it was to make that list. Abby looked back at Clarke with a sadness.

“What? What aren’t you telling me?” Clarke looked back at her mother, knowing that look all too well.

Abby’s eyes were glazed over with tears. “I just got off the radio with Jackson, he said Raven isn’t coming.” 

“What! Why not?” Clarke said with anger.

“ I don’t know Jackson said Murphy told him she was going to ‘float’ herself.” Abby’s voice was soft.

“Does she still have a radio?”

“Possibly, but who knows if she has it on.”

“Go get me the radio.” 

Clarke stood silently on the balcony. She owed some much to Raven she needed to tell her that. Abby returned a few minutes later and handed her the radio. She stared at it a while thinking about what exactly to say. Abby left the throne room, knowing Clarke needed space. 

“Raven… Are you there?” There was a long silence, she waited. 

“Clarke?” Raven asked in a harsh unsettling tone. This was not the person wanted to talk. 

“It’s me. Murphy said you’re floating yourself.” 

“Don’t try to talk me out of it because, I’m doing it no matter what you say.” Raven’s voice still hard.

“I didn’t call you to stop you. I called to say goodbye and… that I’m sorry. I’m sorry about everything.” Clarke let go of the button and closed her eyes.

“Nothing for you to be sorry about. What’s done is done.” The cold reality was setting in.

“I do need to be sorry. I wish I had sent Murphy away when he was banished. I wish I hadn’t run away. I wish I could have saved Finn and I wish I had come back to Arkadia and stopped Jaha and Pike sooner. Most of all I wished I could have been there for you. I know that I pushed you hard and you had suffered more than most. What you needed the most was a friend.” There was a long silence. Clarke wasn’t sure if Raven had chucked the radio or simply turned it off. 

“You are my friend Clarke. That’s why I’m doing this. I don’t want you taking care of me when my brain turns to mush. I want to spacewalk and… be with Finn and all the other people that we’ve lost.” Raven’s tone more reflective, now thinking more about why she wanted to do this.

“I know. Just... don’t think about all the problems of the past. All that matters is that you are the best Spacewalker there is. I’ll be watching the stars for you.” Clarke struggled to hold back the tears. “ May we meet again.”

“May we meet again. And Clarke….”  
“Yeah?”  
“Take care of Luna and Abby.” Clarke wiped away a tear that had slipped past and nodded.  
“ I promise.”

She turned off the radio and looked out of the sun setting in Polis she gripped the side of the railing, eyes closed. Darkness clouded her mind with nothing but silence. She wondered why her mind wasn’t plagued with guilt or scrambling with thoughts of all the people who were going to die. 

Out of seemingly nowhere, she began to see a light just peeking through the blackness. Slowly it began to get brighter and brighter until was too much to look at, but she couldn’t close her eyes, only adjust them to the brightness. She began to see a fuzzy figure coming into focus. They were mostly dressed in black. Clarke started envisioning her own body, she rubbed her eyes finally revealing the shadowy figure. 

“Lexa?” Clarke asked. The figure stepped forward. 

“I told you I would always be with you.” Clarke ran like she had never run before and held Lexa in her arms and kissed her cheek. Clarke begged her not to let go but Lexa put her back on the ground. 

“We are here to help you.” Lexa pointed behind Clarke. There were nearly 20 people standing behind her dressed in grounder war garments except for Bekka and a few others. She knew their names but not who they were. She tried to think about who was who. When suddenly her head began to ring and Lexa grabbed Clarke's shoulders. 

“Don’t try to think too much. I think I should let Bekka explain.” Bekka stepped forward looking down at Clarke. 

“The flame or A.L.I.E 2.0 contains the information from all the commanders that came before from even before they took the flame. We can access all of your memories with ease. But It is more difficult to access ours, all at once. There is simply not enough bandwidth for you to handle all of it. This is why we are meeting here.” Bekka looked down sweetly at Clarke whose pain was slowly starting to fade. 

“What are you helping me with?” Clarke asked, really forgetting how she had even arrived at this point. 

“To help you with the next steps with Roan and Indra, with life in the bunker. We need to prepare you” Lexa said calmly trying to not scare Clarke with the urgency. 

“When you knew to take the chip and go into the city of light we skipped this step and told you what to do rather than understand why. At the time the why was not important. Now it is.” Bekka looked to other commanders. A taller man with a long braided beard and large shoulder pads stepped forward. 

“I’m Giddion the 5th commander.” Clarke didn’t know how to respond.

“I’m Clarke?” She said with confusion. He let out a loud belly laugh. Clarke was taken back by his amusement.

“We know little one. To the point, it is important how you treat this punishment with Indra and Roan. More than you can imagine. When you saw Lexa as commander ‘jus drein jus daun’’ was the way our people dealt with justice. This was not always so. When I first became commander we punished people by putting them in jail. We had to repopulate the earth. Every life was precious. Until there was a man who thought we did not deserve to survive Premfaya and began killing. Many people died. That is when we decided the only way to prevent crimes like his, was to demand death. It worked for a time. And as the punishment became harsher so did the crimes.” 

“So, should I jail Roan? Is that your advice?” Clarke asked wondering the point. 

“No, I don’t think that would be wise.” Lexa interjected. “Trikru will see no justice in that.” 

“So then what do you suggest?” Clarke asked, why couldn’t they just tell her what to do. 

Bekka took a deep sigh. “ You have to decide Clarke. We are here to guide you. That is all.” Clarke turned to Lexa frustrated at now having to figure this out on her own. 

“Lexa, I thought you said the commanders only came in your sleep and that flame guided you. Now, I’m having an argument with tiny people inside my head.” 

Lexa looked down at her feet. “I never approached them like this, when I was commander. Except…” Her voice trailed off.

“Except?” Clarke was a mixture of anger and confusion.

Another man stepped forward this time more slender and dress in similar clothes to the people on the ark. “Except at the mountain.” His voice low and cold. 

“And whose bright fucking idea was that? “ Clarke spat the words out then looking back to Lexa who hung her head in shame. 

“Tyrion’s” A few pointed to the man who had spoken. A shorter woman hissed in the back, mockingly. “A Lanister always pays his debts.”

“What?”Clarke was now lost. 

“A cruel joke my mother bestowed upon me. It means nothing.” The man brushed the comment to the side.

“Leaving my people to die at the mountain was nothing?” Clarke’s blood beginning to boil.

“That’s not what I said. And you’re people weren’t staring down the end of a barrel with hundreds of your people about to die in an instant if you didn’t agree. Aden was too young to be the next commander.” The man continued to explain while a few other voices chimed in. Clarke was getting overwhelmed by all of it. All of their voices talking at once. 

“I’m done talking about this.” Clarke turned and crossed her arms across her chest. Then, it was silent. Everyone had left except Lexa. Clarke tried to push back her tears. She had tried to forget about the mountain. It hadn’t been that long ago when she had pulled that switch and the memory of the boils and blisters bubbling on the faces of innocent people stained her mind. Lexa approached Clarke, her hand sliding on her back. 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Those were her only words. Lexa was always so few on words and really never one to apologize. Clarke leaned into her touch and let Lexa embrace her. They stood like that for what seemed like minutes. 

Clarke had pulled away realizing that she wished she could stay in her head until her last breath but she had real people she had to get back to. 

“Lexa?” Clarke paused and Lexa looked down at her with those forest green eyes. “If I kill Roan who will take his place?”Lexa stepped away recalling Roan’s history. 

“Roan was exiled from Azgeda for 3 years. He doesn’t have a legitimate heir, maybe a bastard but I would think his general, Echo , would be the next in line. There are a few other generals but Echo is in Polis. You think Roan will be a better ally than Echo?”

“I know so. Echo has convinced him time and time again to take action. I can’t have her in the bunker. It will just cause problems.” Lexa nodded and continued to reflect on the idea.

“But I don’t know with Echo gone that Roan’s people will still follow him.” Lexa added. She knew Clarke was eager to return to her people. She held her hand and looked her in the eyes. 

“Clarke, I know you will choose wisely. Just remember my people are now your people.” Clarke smiled giving her an affirming nod then placing a chaste kiss on Lexa’s hand. She stepped away to ‘walk out of the room’. 

Lexa yelled back. “In my changing chambers, there is a chest look in the top drawer.” The words drifted away as the world in her mind faded to black. She opened her eyes and was standing on the balcony holding the radio she had called Raven on. 

She felt eyes on her back and turned around to find Abby looking at her longingly. 

“Is Raven going to come back?” Abby asked assuming that was the purpose of Clarke’s need for the radio. 

“No. How long have you been standing there?” Clarke asked. It had seemed like she was gone for at least 30 minutes. 

“I heard you stop talking and I came back in. I don’t know 5 minutes at most?” Abby was now looking at Clarke like a doctor not like her mother.  
“Are you feeling alright, baby?”

Clarke shook it off. “ I’m fine. Really.” She paused deciding what to do with the rest of her night. She guided her mother back to the throne room. 

“Go to Arkadia and get our people. I need you to explain to them that they aren’t all coming.”

“Clarke I think you should tell them.”

“No. It is not my decision who of Skaikru lives and dies. I have done what is fair for everyone. But I want you to make sure the Niylah comes back with you to Polis. She will be part of the 4 I chose. Please go, before Jaha shows up here with 400 people.” Clarke stood stoic unwavering.

Abby stared back utterly distraught and defeated. She had never wanted this for her daughter, to become this cold so early in life. What choice did she have at this point? She was not going to be made an example by her daughter now. Maybe she could work something out with Luna.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Clarke entered the commander’s chamber, an all too familiar site. Not much had changed since the day Lexa had died. Ontari only used the room for a short period of time and Roan hadn’t taken over her chamber’s since he technically wasn’t the commander.

Remembering Lexa’s words, she ran over to the changing room and found an old beaten wooden box. She opened it finding it emptied. Her heart sank to the pit of her stomach. Whatever was in there was now gone. She sighed and stood up only to bump into a small girl, no more than 13 years old. 

“Moba, Heda.” The girl spoke softly looking down at her feet. Clarke realized she must have been a handmaiden sent up to her. 

“It’s okay...I-I was looking for something. It was in this box?” She pointed where she had been seated. The girl nodded and disappeared from the chambers. Clarke walked over to the couches where she and Lexa had often sat. Fondly remembering her sleeping with a book on her chest.

A knock came on the door this time. She guessed the girl didn’t want to catch her off guard again. 

“Enter.” Clarke stood from her position with her hands behind her back. She felt a sudden urge to do so, it almost felt natural. The girl bowed her head and handed Clarke a small wooden box. Clarke gingerly took the box placing it on the table. 

“Mochof... Edith.” Clarke shook her head unsure of how she knew the girl’s name. The girl smiled and rose to meet her gaze. 

“Is there anything I can do for you, Heda?” Edith asked neutrally.

Clarke was tired from her day and would have rather have been left alone but it might have been nice to take a bath. She couldn’t remember the last time she had one. The shower at Bekka’s house was nice but a bath would be nicer. She asked the girl to draw her bath and the girl did as commanded retrieving buckets of water from downstairs with few helping hands. 

Clarke poured through the contents of the box realizing these had been Lexa’s very private possessions. Probably only a few handmaiden’s were made aware of them. In the box was her dagger that she had often been seen toying with on occasion, while other times skillfully taking down enemies. Clarke remembered Lexa stabbing the man who had tried to kill her in the woods just before they were being chased by Puana. She placed it on the table keeping it close to her from now on. 

She dug around finding a small round thin compact. It was Lexa’s war paint. Clarke opened it tracing the indentations where Lexa’s fingers were used to scoop the black grease and paint her mask. She put the compact back in the box. The next thing she found was something more surprising. It was soap wrapped in leather, unwrapping it she brought it up to her nose. It smelled of Lexa’s musk, a little bit of the leather, pine bark, thyme and other earthy scents. She gave it to Edith to add to the bath then returned to the box. 

The last item within it was a leather bound book similar to the one Lincoln used. Clarke brushed her hand over it taking a moment to feel how worn it was. Used over many years by Lexa. She hesitated opening it. It quickly felt too personal. 

It’s okay. The voice called to her again.

She untied the string wrapped around the book revealing pages written in Lexa’s hand. The tips of her fingers traced the words trying to figure out the words and time this was written. She thumbed her way to the back of the book knowing that might be able to give her a sense of time. She was eagerly reading the words stumbling on some of the Trigedasleng she hadn’t used. “Niron” was one of them. 

Clarke noticed that Edith hadn’t moved in a while. She looked over at the young girl standing by the tub waiting to be dismissed. Clarke stood up and waved her away. For a brief moment, she thought of the fate of the girl then, thought best not to dwell on that now. Removing her clothes, she stepped into the tub almost too hot to get in, shrugging at the privilege. 

At first, Clarke just sat in the water letting the heat consume her body. The smell of the soap filled her nostrils and her mind drifted to Lexa. Not much time had passed since Lexa had left this world. It pained her deeply to know that Lexa was just a figment of her imagination. She had been happy to take the flame but there was a reluctance now after her encounter with her. Lexa inside the flame was very much ‘Heda’, a woman of few words and cold stares. Not the Lexa who she could make smile a soft grin that almost stuttered across her lips. Not the Lexa who had kissed her in her war tent on their way to destroy the maunon. 

She tried to brush away these thoughts and began to actually bath herself. She dunked her head wetting her blonde strands in the soapy water. She found a washcloth draped over the side of the tub and pulled it under the water. With the now soapy washcloth, she raised it to wash her arms. Upon touching her skin, she saw a flash. In shock, she pulled away sinking her arms back into the water. Maybe the water was too hot and she was overheated. She thought about getting out but relented to actually cleaning herself. She tried again to wash and the flash returned, this time she caught a glimpse of something. 

Clarke was intrigued, it seemed like a memory. She wouldn’t allow herself to be shocked again, only slowly applying the washcloth to her skin. She let the memory flood her mind. It had been all too familiar the sunlight beaming into the room, the pounding of her heart in her chest, the fear of losing Lexa, the overflowing feeling of happiness. And like the rush of a strong gust of wind she knew exactly where she was. 

Clarke was with Lexa in their last moment before her death. Sharing themselves, skin to skin, mouth to mouth. Clarke let out a weak groan feeling every motion as if it was as real now as it was then. She felt Lexa’s lips on hers, wet and plump. Her callused hands tracing the expanse of her body. With every touch of the cloth to her skin, the memory became more real. 

Clarke had begun to drift further into the memory and somehow it seem different, it seemed stronger, more visceral. The images ran through her mind and it started to make sense. The pieces of her senses coming to an apex. She understood that this was not her memory but Lexa’s. Clarke had never doubted the feelings that Lexa had for her. Afterall, Lexa had approached her. But at their final moment in the city of light, she hadn’t said she loved Clarke back. Or at least not those exact words. Over the last couple of weeks, Clarke had ignored it, thinking that Lexa simply wanted to comfort her in her absence. 

Now, she was reliving their most intimate moment from Lexa’s eyes, feeling as she felt. She felt the fire in her belly as she had pleasured Clarke. Then it became clear that Lexa had felt just as strongly about Clarke as she did, if not even more so. As Clarke remained in this memory it became hard to pull away from it. She didn’t want to pull away from it. 

The duality of reliving the memory and the present converged in a way that blurred reality. Clarke wasn’t sure if she was feeling Lexa’s touch or her own and as her hand drifted beneath the water it became very clear that it didn’t matter. Because it had all merged into one feeling.Clarke was lost in herself and the idea of Lexa unraveling her slowly. And similar to the memory Clarke echoed her own responses to the Lexa’s deft hands working her. 

Clarke kept her eyes closed trying to allow her senses to take over. Her heart racing, and body growing lighter gripping the edge of the tub with her free hand. And before it had even begun her climax hit her with an unexpected shudder. Her lips trembled Lexa’s name with both a sadness and relief. As she relaxed her body back in the tub she struggled to open her eyes. Hoping that she might stay in that moment forever. 

Clarke had opened her eyes to only find Bekka standing at the foot of the tub. Clarke let out a scream “What the fuck?!” She tried to cover herself, not that it mattered, but her face flushed red from the heat of the tub and what had just occurred. Clarke decided to relax herself knowing that Bekka was all too aware of what was going on. 

“I thought you could only appear in my head.” Clarke said in both fear and anger. 

“Well, your mind is very active, now. That’s why I’m here.” Bekka said matter of factly. 

Clarke slumped further in the tub totally embarrassed. 

“It just happened I didn’t have control over it.” Clarke tried to explain but realizing that some part of her made it happen too. It was becoming hard to differentiate the flame from herself. 

“I know, Lexa…” Bekka pushed her thumb and forefinger to her brow. “Lexa wanted you to know how she felt about you. She overtook us a bit. But…that can’t happen again.” Bekka’s tone was firm and now Clarke was utterly confused by the workings of the flame. 

“Why? I mean, is it bad?” Clarke didn’t necessarily want it to, not happen again just she wanted some control over herself. Bekka sighed and knelt down by the side of the tub. 

“The flame is like an upgrade, as Raven called it, but your hardware, your brain, wasn’t upgraded. And when you relive memories or use the full power of the flame, your brain had a hard time processing it. Does that make sense?” Bekka was searching Clarke’s face for understanding.

“It makes sense, I just….”Clarke was lost in her emotions and was having a hard time understanding why Lexa didn’t have these problems. 

“When Titus taught the young nightbloods, he taught them to make certain decisions without thought. You have a lot of doubt in you, Clarke. You question yourself and that is when the flame becomes more powerful. It’s like a switch, activating it telling us to step in. You cannot rely on it or… you will end up like Raven and your mother.”

Clarke felt her stomach drop forgetting that her mother was also at risk of a stroke. Bekka disappeared and now she was alone in a freezing cold tub. She hung her head in her hands choking back a sob. She prayed that the none of the guards heard her. If she had any hope of truly becoming Heda then she couldn’t have her guards see her weak on day one. 

Acquiescing to the night, she got up and went to bed hair still wet and undone. Her dreams had not been influenced by the flame but then again she hadn’t slept very well at all. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The sun had risen faster than expected or at least it felt that way to Clarke. She rose from the bed and began to put on her clothes. A knock came on her door, knowing Indra was eager to get her vengeance. Clarke stood near the couches and let the guards bring Indra inside. The guards hesitating leaving Indra alone with their new Heda but she waved them away. 

“Sit.” Clarke motioned to the couches and sat. Indra grimaced and stayed standing. 

“You promised retribution.” The words like daggers being sharpened for the kill.

“And you will have it. But I want to talk first. Sit.” Clarke’s words stronger on the last word. Indra eased herself down and sat up without relaxing any part of herself. 

“I’ve made a decision. I need you to accept it. I need Trikru to accept it. Once we are in that bunker, there will be no more vengeance.“ Clarke paused looking Indra in her eyes remaining silent. 

“If I put Roan on the tree who will lead Azgeda?” Clarke asked hoping Indra will come to the same conclusion. 

“Echo. She took over very quickly when the king was shot.” Indra said stating a fact. 

“Do you think Echo will lead Azgeda well in the bunker? Will she be fair to all the other clans?” 

“She is a strong warrior and a good general...But a fair leader I think not.” 

“Does Azgeda follow her more so than the King?” Asking less rhetorically now. She didn’t really know her well enough to be certain. Indra had a look of shock, Clarke guessed she had never really thought about it. His people fell in line behind him even after Queen Nia was killed. But Echo controlled the warriors and then fell easily behind her command. 

“It is hard to say. They have recently worked closely together, who knows who’s calling the shots.” Indra’s voice still maintaining it’s cold demeanor.

Clarke hummed in agreement. She would eventually find out for herself but only after they were sealed away for 5 years. 

“King Roan will live. He is reasonable and will do well with others. Echo does not seem to think with reason but with her sword. I also imagine that Roan will choose mostly warriors for his 92. Trikru may not all be warriors, yes?” Clarke asked trying to suss out how many warriors would she have to deal with. 

“Some yes but not all. Most of our warriors were killed. Are you going to put Echo on the tree, Heda?” Indra was becoming restless with this talk. 

“No, unless you argue differently. I worry that the warriors will be restless without Echo by his side. I don’t trust her but she may keep them in check. I was suggesting the warrior who had killed the most Trikru be put on the post.” Clarke hesitated with her conviction. Maybe Echo deserved to die but she would have to be convinced. 

“As long as the king can see reason then I don’t see why Echo shouldn’t be on that post. She carried out his order.”

“Do you have a seken in mind or a general?” Clarke asked. Indra was taken aback by the change in subject.

“Octavia would be my first choice. She is strong.” Clarke could feel how much Indra cared for the girl. 

“I was going to put her in my guard since she is Skaikru but…” Clarke needed someone like Octavia close to her. 

“Heda then she is yours. But I will still continue to train her. I would have to choose the only general left, Krillin. He is...not the strongest but has a good head on her shoulders.” Indra had not held the same conviction for this Krillin as she had for Octavia. This concerned the commander.

Clarke stood up and made her way to the balcony overlooking the city of Polis. She turned her head back to Indra and spoke calmly. “Then I will put Echo on the post. Gather your people and make the preparations. I will inform the King.”

Indra didn’t comment on the sudden change of heart. She was fine with the choice and was at least happy Clarke had no intention of ‘saving’ Azgeda. Clarke hung her head and hoped that she had made the right decision. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hundreds of people were gathered outside waiting to have their cut at the great Azgeda General. Clarke stood in front of a row of guards behind her. She tried to maintain her ‘Heda’ composure as best as she could. Although, there had been many icy stares from the Azgeda warriors. They would have prefered their king see his death than their bloodthirsty leader. 

Roan wore his horned crown, surely a power tactic, and approached Clarke. 

“Heda…” He stood next to her staring out at the post in the middle of the square.

“King Roan…” Clarke mimicked his tone. 

“You are taking my best general. Somehow it feels more like an attack against Azgeda than retribution for war.” The words had a sting that was meant to call Clarke’s judgment into question. She remained unwavering in her conviction. 

“Or maybe you’re afraid your people won’t follow you, as they did Echo?” Clarke snapped back quickly. Roan grunted something between a scoff and a guttural groan. 

“I didn’t expect you to like my decision but, I hoped you’d know that it could just have easily been you up there.” She paused and turned to Roan. “I need someone who can lead with reason. I just hope that whoever you choose they will be as loyal to you as they were to Echo.” Clarke’s voice was calm. 

She had no intention of making Roan feel bad for his people’s lack of loyalty. Just an understanding that their king was exiled then put into power by Lexa to have it taken away and given back to him by Clarke. He had wished he could stop it but he risked looking a fool by being made an example by their new ‘Heda’.

Echo was brought out by Trikru warriors and tied to the post, Indra followed shortly. It was about to begin when people the crowd began to move as if someone was making their way through the sea of people. Clarke’s guards stiffened in place as she stepped forward to see who was approaching. Kane and Bellamy had found their way to the front of the crowd and something in Clarke’s gut told her that, they were going to try and stop this. Roan probably asked Abby for their help. Roan gave a smirk in the hopes that Clarke would show preference to her own people. 

Kane and Bellamy made their way across the square in hopes stopping this before it even started. Clarke met them halfway, she was going to have to make this a display if the grounders were going to trust her. As she looked at Bellamy a heated jealousy grew inside her. It was a bit uncontrolled and tried to push back the feeling. 

“Heda.” Kane gave a bow out of respect. Abby had warned him of what happened to Roan. Bellamy stood giving Clarke an empty stare. She was not in the mood for this nonsense and had a feeling that is exactly what they were here for. 

“You are not stopping this.” Clarke's eyes widened looking up at them both. 

“Clarke, she saved my life.” Bellamy pleaded with a frown of distaste on his mouth. 

“That’s commander to you.” Clarke gave her a stern glare hoping he realized that just undermined her in front of her people. “It doesn’t matter now, anyways. The decision has been made.” Clarke turned to return to her guards when Kane grabbed her shoulder. She spun around now having to make a point of it all, further upsetting her. Kane lifted his hands in defense. 

“You must see reason. We need save people not kill them.” As if she wasn’t killing thousands of people by leaving them out of the bunker. 

“I have seen reason.” She nodded to her guards across the court. Four of them came and grabbed Kane and Bellamy pulling them to the side. Clarke nodded to Indra who began the slow execution. 

Hours had passed as nearly all of the remaining Trikru took their turn cutting into Echo’s flesh.Clarke’s eyes periodically shot over to Kane and Bellamy. Bellamy's eyes were watered and red while Kane was slowly starting to realize how much built up anger Trikru had from all the unpunished crimes that Skaikru had committed. Clarke was watching this in a daze. If she had focused on every hand that had made a cut she would have pictured herself up there, for all the terrible things she had done. Her eyes and moved to Indra who truly showed no emotion. Clarke felt uneasy about it. Indra had demanded justice but she didn’t seem thankful or even satisfied. 

The time had finally come for the commander to deliver the final blow. Clarke reached for Lexa’s dagger as she felt her stomach turn. As she stepped in front of Echo’s bloodied body she was surprised Echo was even still coherent as she was. With blood in her mouth, she let out a gurgle. 

“You will always just be a Skai girl!” Clarke never took her eyes off of Echo as she plunged the dagger into her gut. 

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Clarke pulled out the knife holding it up for all to see. She spoke in Trigedasleng.

“Blood has had blood. Now the dead rest and their spirits can move on. From this day on, blood will not have blood. Brother will not harm brother. We are all one people and when Premfaya returns we will survive. We will rebuild the world to as it is.” 

Clarke hesitated to mention the end of the world. She didn’t really know if the people had been informed of her decree. But it was necessary for leaders to hear this. She looked around the crowd seeing a few agreeable nods Kane one of them. Bellamy probably at a lost not even understanding the words she spoke. 

Clarke walked back over to Roan and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Burn her where you please.” She returned to the tower. There was much to prepare for in the coming days. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been two days since Echo’s death and Clarke had busied herself with preparations. Making a map of the bunker deciding which clans should live next to which. Reading over Lexa’s journal, learning about her life as Heda. Meeting with the ambassadors as they began to arrive with their people. With every ambassador she met, she felt more reassured that she had made the right decision. They thanked her for letting their people be spared, full well knowing that Azgeda and Trikru weren’t planning to do such a thing. 

Clarke began to feel the eyes of Trikru and Azgeda on her back. There was an air of resentment because more of their people could have lived if they had just taken it for themselves. It was off-putting because she could even sense this from Bellamy and Kane who were the only Skaikru in Polis. 

Skaikru were the last clan to arrive. Clarke knew in her heart it wasn’t the distance but, the decision of killing ⅘ of their people, when much more could have been saved. Clarke had tried to stay in her chambers for as long as she could. She wasn’t ready to face everyone yet and hadn’t finished preparing her speech for the meeting with the ambassadors. She wanted to get everyone on the same page before they were locked in. 

Struggling with her upbringing and the new world she was living in, she tried to find the best middle ground. Death for crimes would not be allowed. Having children would have to be controlled but, certainly not punished. Resources were going to be limited but, they couldn’t just throw a life away. At the same time, she needed to maintain order. 

Clarke's thoughts plagued her. It was taking all of her strength to not to let the flame speak to her. At certain dull moments, it felt like buzzing in the back of her neck gnawing at her empty thoughts. A knock came on her door, unexpectedly. She rose to meet the the visitor. The door opened and Niylah walked in. Her gaze struck by the size of the commander’s chambers. Growing up in a small village it was rare to a see a room so big that it could easily fit a house. In some ways, the ark had surprised her but she thought may that the tek has to do with its size. Now, standing in just a bedroom she felt amazed and bewildered. 

“Hei..” Clarke walked with a familiarity towards her. Niylah had all but forgotten who she was talking to or why she was there. Clarke smirked at her knowing the feeling, similar to when they first landed on the ground. She guided the woman by her hand, gingerly, to the balcony. If Niylah was impressed by the room she was bound to lose it from the view. 

Niylah followed easily behind, looking around the room taking in the sight. Once on the balcony, she gasped at the view. She had been up high before but not enough to see so far away. 

“Clarke” Niylah whispered looking over the balcony, she looked out with a glint of hope over the lands that she had grown to know so well. She wanted to thank Clarke for letting her see this view. Turning to face Clarke who stood behind her, she saw the weight that Heda was bearing on her.

Clarke tried to hide her worried eyes by looking at the ground. Clarke always respected Niylah’s ability to put her at ease without asking for anything in return. She didn’t know if she would be able to give anything in return. Maybe she could give her this moment and others but, her heart was still torn and broken to pieces. It had been hard staying in Lexa’s room it had brought back so many memories that were unwanted. 

Niylah pulled Clarke into her chest. “You did the right thing. And our people will thank you.” The weight of her words had meant so much more than reassuring Clarke. ‘Our people’ was unassuming and held no expectations of Niylah achieving any sort of hierarchy by association. Clarke wrapped her arms around her letting herself be vulnerable in this moment. Niylah ran her hand through Clarke’s blond strands and she spoke in a dull raspy voice.

“I will be here for you if you want me to. But I won’t ask for more than you can give.” Niylah had always managed to provide comfort to Clarke. For that, she was grateful. Their eyes met and a warmth grew in their hearts. It certainly wasn’t perfect, nor was it anything resembling true love. It had a purpose to fill the void of loneliness and share something intimate that couldn’t be shared with just anyone. 

Clarke had read in Lexa’s journal about when she became the commander. Titus had tried to push Costia away. He had said that ‘love is weakness’ and for a brief moment, Lexa had felt it. She worried about Costia when she was away on campaigns and sometimes it caused her sleepless nights.That had made her question her strength. But upon her return to Polis and had returned to her niron and felt safe in her arms. Lexa had felt confidence once again. She had come to believe that what Titus had meant was that, her love for another would be seen as weakness. That her judgment would be called into question if her thoughts were her own or influenced by Costia. On that day her head was brought to Lexa’s bed, it became clear that the loss of her niron had destroyed a piece of her. A piece that could never be captured again. Lexa had returned to Titus’s teachings. Clarke hadn’t gotten to her section of the journals only because it was a hard reliving Lexa’s pain in that section alone. But she hoped that Lexa had found some solace in Clarke’s company.

Clarke wanted to be happy, that is all she ever wanted. Peace with the gounders, all of her friends alive and someone that she could be close with. Even on the ark, she had been guarded with her feelings. She had to keep herself safe from those who called her ‘princess’ and thought she was too privileged to be hurt. Staring back at Niylah she had begun to realize, why saving humanity was so important. The people we love and care about make us strong, they help us overcome our trials and struggles. They help us see beyond our upbringing, gender, race or creed. Love, makes us see those things. Even, when people are faced with a problem that seems to have no solution, love make us persevere. And despite all the things that Clarke and all her people had suffered, they still found a way to love again. Murphy, of all people, had even found it. 

Clarke had been staring into Niylah’s eyes thinking of how to explain all of her doubts and worries. How to explain that it’s not that it’s not that she didn’t want to give her more but that, something was always holding her back. Clarke placed a light kiss on her lips hoping that it, could say more than she could. Niylah fell into it then they both pulled away with the same feeling. Maybe not today or tomorrow but one day their people would survive and learn the love can conquer all.

**Author's Note:**

> I had wanted to continue the story into the bunker where Clarke finds a peaceful way to bring everyone together. Her and Niylah develop their relationship. I even had thought further ahead to establish a yearly tournament to entertain the warriors pent up energy. I definitely wanted to put more Clexa in there for y'all. But after 4x10, I was little too upset about Clarke being so selfish in just taking the bunker for herself, I ended it where I did. Honestly, I would continue it but right now it doesn't seem like it.


End file.
